Condom Conundrum
Geplaatst op 01-08-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
I have a dilemma.
I’ve been seeing a guy for 1 month and we are exclusive. The problem is he doesn’t like condoms when he is in committed relationships. It’s not about the sex he says. It’s about the emotional connection he has with me and wearing the condom detaches him from the emotional intimacy of the act. I understand his concerns and his feelings. The only way for us to avoid me getting pregnant is birth control but I don’t want to take it. I haven’t taken it in 6 years. When I was younger it was not an issue but I also wasn’t as health conscious as I am now. All I could think about are the hormones I’ll be putting into my body, the side effects, and after reading about all the un explained facts what it could do to our bodies in the long run just really turns me off. I had a lump in my breast 6 years ago and after that I vowed not to use the stuff. I don’t know if it contributed to the lump which is why I decided to stay away from it. If I was going to have sex it would be with condoms.
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I’m now struggling with this because I share a strong connection with this guy. I know birth control is the sensible route to take. I don’t want any unplanned pregnancies or confusion in the relationship. He is fully supportive of my decision whatever I decide to do. I know he’s not thrilled if I do decide to not take the pill because he says it’s like he can’t ‘let go’. I have yet to speak to my doc to see what’s the new forms of birth control are. I’m sure they are all the same still, but I was just wondering your thoughts on all this and how I could go about approaching this situation to reach a mutual understanding with him that is comfortable for both of us.
Thanks
|Age: 35
I share similar issues and concerns as you do regarding The Pill and other similar methods of birth control. Between the rampant breast cancer history in my family to my own concern about taking medications of any kind (other than antibiotics), my only recourse is using condoms. It’s not ideal, and bareback is most definitely far more enjoyable for both parties, but it is what it is.
For me, at 42, I do wonder what the pros and cons would be of using The Pill or other similar methods to prevent pregnancy. I also wonder, if you want to try to conceive in the next 5 years, how going on The Pill at your age or older will affect your ability to conceive. Is it wise to start such a method now? I’d be interested to hear what people have to say about this. How has long term use of The Pill affected your ability to conceive, your bodies, etc?
But there’s two bigger concerns in this letter for me. First, you’re exclusive after a month. That, to me, seems a bit quick. Especially when you consider that a) even if he’s been tested in the past 2 or 3 months, you still have no idea if he’s STD free and b) he’s asking you to use a form of contraception that could have major side effects that could affect your health. That’s a pretty huge request to make of someone you’ve been with for only a month.
I think it would behoove all men to do the research on these types of contraception – The Pill, NuvaRing, etc. This isn’t something to take lightly. In many cases, it’s really not as simple as popping a pill. Between the weight gain, the headaches, the nausea, the possible erratic mood swings AND the more serious side effects like blood clots and tumors…there’s a lot to learn, guys. What a woman is essentially doing when she has these contraceptives implanted or takes these pills is altering her normal hormonal system. For someone with a history of breast cancer in their family, and sadly there are many women with such a history, this is no joke. It can sometimes take several months before a woman finds the right dosage, too. Just trying to make the men more aware of what it is that we go through and what is involved
Ask most men and they’ll tell you how much they dislike condoms. They pinch, they sometimes make it difficult to maintain an erection, they don’t feel as good and the sensations are seriously dulled. The few times I’ve gone bareback in my life have ALWAYS been 1000 times more pleasurable for me, so I can imagine how it feels for a man. Everything is heightened. They feel the warmth, the wetness and the tightness in a way they just can’t when wearing a condom. So I do get it. Sometimes it’s hard not to just throw caution to the wind and rely on the good ol’ fashioned rhythm method. But we have to do it, if only because the possible repercussions are far too serious and involve more than just us. (But come on..who hasn’t played the “Just The Tip” game a few times?)
I think his whole “I don’t feel as close to you when I’m wearing a condom” is a big, fat excuse. Sorry, but that sounds like a case of a man telling a woman what he thinks she wants to hear in order to get what he wants.
I think you need to spell out to this man what your concerns are. The both of you should be reviewing each of your alternatives and try to come to a decision together. If he doesn’t seem interested in that, or doesn’t seem to understand where your fears are coming from and still pushes, then this guy isn’t really concerned for your well being. You shouldn’t even be considering going without a condom for at least another 2 or 3 months anyway, exclusive or not. In my opinion, it’s way too soon to be that trusting.